Maybe a Fake Gintama - Chapter 574
Kawaki saluted Elizabeth sharply and raised a signboard: “Understood!”
But the next moment…
“Understood, my foot!!” Aru Elizabeth and Tsukuyo Elizabeth simultaneously kicked Kawaki, sending him flying to the side.
“Ow! What are you doing?!” Kawaki spat out a mouthful of blood, but upon seeing the view under Fujiko’s suit above him, his attitude instantly changed to amazement. “Char was right! The pilot inside really isn’t wearing any clothes!”
“Yes, Char was right,” Shinpachi sneered, “There’s also a disgusting tentacle that reaches out from the crotch pocket to harass female soldiers.”
Hearing this, Fujiko lifted her suit, crossing her legs with a sorrowful expression: “I really don’t want to admit it, but this was a mistake I made when I was too young…”
“You too?!” Shinpachi, veins bulging, furiously retorted.
“Don’t mind it,” Kawaki, lying on the ground and staring unblinkingly upward, calmly consoled. Humans always repeat the same mistakes. But it’s okay. Even though we constantly make mistakes, I believe one day, we will find the right path from those mistakes. So, without further ado, let’s find a place to make another mistake and regret it immensely. That regret will surely become the beacon that guides us on the right path…”
Before he could finish, Kawaki clutched his eyes and rolled on the ground in pain, “My eyes! My eyes! Tsukuyo, you tricked me!”
The culprit, Tsukuyo, simply withdrew her fingers, crossed her arms, huffed, and turned away, her eyes filled with disdain for Kawaki.
“Enough already!” Shinpachi roared through gritted teeth. You’ve pulled so many gags. Even if we could have gotten by unnoticed before, that’s unlikely now!”
“Shinpachi-kun! Even at this point, why are you still taking that attitude?!” Kawaki revived and stood up, looking solemn as he scolded, “This is a war! A war against the evil Earthlings!”
“Though your stance is surprisingly firm, you’ve got it completely backward! Completely backward!” Shinpachi ranted, “Why have you suddenly joined their side?! Please, get your priorities straight!”
“Get my priorities straight? Do you know who I am?” Kawaki crossed his arms and chuckled, “Ore wa GanSam da! (I am a Samurai Gundam!)”
(Note: The original phrase “Ore wa Gundam da!” comes from Episode 19 of Mobile Suit Gundam 00. As a rare ch?niby? in the Gundam series, Setsuna F. Seiei believed Gundam symbolized peace and what he aspired to be.)
“Stop playing around already!” Shinpachi shouted as Aru Elizabeth also angrily kicked Kawaki again.
With a scream, Kawaki was kicked several meters away, struggling to lift his head, muttering with blood at the corners of his mouth, “The Renpou warriors… are truly monsters…”
After saying this, Kawaki rolled his eyes and collapsed, silent.
“This guy… is beyond saving,” Shinpachi muttered.
Suddenly, Kagura turned around, looking at Fujiko with a puzzled expression, “But speaking of which, wasn’t uncle standing right in front of Elizabeth earlier? And the things that happened during the meal, does it mean Elizabeth has already noticed us, aru?”
“He has always been excellent at work but very dense in this area,” Fujiko replied calmly, “He couldn’t even notice if his girlfriend changed the color of her ribbon.”
“Men are all like that, just a bunch of idiots who notice nothing,” Tsukuyo said coldly.
“Indeed~” Fujiko sighed, pretending to be troubled.
“No one would notice such a thing!” Shinpachi argued, “It’s harder than spotting Wally, right?!”
“Then even if Shinpachi changes his skin color, he won’t be noticed,” Kagura said with a sly smile.
“Of course, they’d notice!” Shinpachi, veins bulging, retorted, “Just the fact that Shinpachi is sticking out would be noticeable!”
“Now’s not the time to discuss this.” With a serious expression, Fujiko looked at Tsukuyo Elizabeth and Aru Elizabeth, “Anyway, infiltrating here is a great opportunity. I’ll think of a way to destroy the Samurai Gundams. You guys discuss with those four idiots how to weaken the pilots and the vanguard forces.”
With that, Fujiko turned and left briskly on her duck-like feet.
“Be careful, Third Sister~” Kagura waved.
“Alright then, Kawaki-san, did you hear what Gin-san said earlier…” Turning around, Shinpachi looked at Kawaki and Gintoki’s group, but…
“Hey, hey, look at that!” Kawaki pointed excitedly at a samurai gundam, drooling, his eyes sparkling. “Can I take that home?”
“Is this the time to talk about that?!” Tsukuyo shouted, “And who are you calling ‘hey, hey’?!”
“I’ll take full responsibility for feeding it! I’ll also take it to the park every day for a walk! Teach it not to pee and poop anywhere! Not to bark randomly when acquaintances come to the house! I’ll also take responsibility for cleaning up the hair it sheds… It won’t cause any trouble at home!” Kawaki’s eyes were filled with excitement.
“Since you’re saying that…” Tsukuyo furrowed her brow, pondering, “Then there’s no choi…”
“Otosan says no!!” Shinpachi and Kagura shouted in unison as Aru Elizabeth kicked Kawaki again, sending him flying.
Ignoring Kawaki, who was kicked several meters away, face down and eyes rolled back, Shinpachi sighed and looked at Tsukuyo: “Tsukuyo-san, you should be firmer. Why do you agree when he acts spoiled?”
“Tsukuyo, men can’t be spoiled, aru!” Kagura nodded, hands on her hips, waving one hand seriously, “Today it’s picking up a stray Samurai Gundam, tomorrow it’ll be picking up a stray woman, aru!”
“What is a stray Samurai Gundam?!” Shinpachi yelled, “Never heard of such a thing! Don’t compare it to a stray dog!”
“Yoshiwara said… if it’s a reasonable request from a man, you can fulfill it at least once in three times,” Tsukuyo replied, “And he did say he’d take responsibility for the stray Samurai Gundam.”
“Honestly… I don’t even know how to retort anymore. Whether Kawaki-san is being fooled or adored, I can’t figure it out,” Shinpachi muttered, adjusting his glasses. “It’s like he’s being treated like a child.”
“Men are always children, no matter their age,” Kagura waved her hand dismissively and sighed, “Saving the Earth relies on us women~”
“Wow, amazing~,” Shinpachi said flatly, dragging out the last word, “That’s really impressive~.”
“By the way, Shinpachi, can I take that stray Sadaharu No. 33 home, aru?” Kagura pointed to a cool-looking machine.
“You’re the same!” Shinpachi yelled, “And you already named it?! Gin-san, say something to them…”
Before he could finish, seeing what Gintoki’s group was doing, Shinpachi’s face went expressionless.
“My loyal and brave Renpou warriors!” Gintoki stood before the Renpou soldiers, seriously rallying them for battle. “Now, half the Earth’s population has been drenched by our Elizabeth Rain, vanishing behind signboards. That cloud floating above Earth is proof of our Renpou army’s justice! The remaining forces of the Earth army, heavily damaged, are just shells! In short, they’re trash!”
(Note: Gintoki’s speech parodies Giren Zabi’s speech before the Battle of A Baoa Qu in Mobile Suit Gundam.)
“Earthlings have three important pouches,” Katsura gestured, “The salary pouch, the mother’s pouch, and the Kintama pouch. First, aim for the Kintama pouch to paralyze them, then use their mothers as hostages, and finally seize their salary pouches. This will render them powerless!”
“See? Quite reliable, right?” Kawaki, who had gotten up and was now beside Aru Elizabeth, chuckled, “Thinking back, it’s nostalgic to see a pre-battle rally. But back then, I always felt sleepy during times like this, just like now… ZZZ…”
Shinpachi’s face turned completely dark.
“On the battlefield, you can only rely on comrades’ calls,” Sakamoto added, tossing aside a signboard. “Remember to discard signboards and shout support to each other. Also, you can only bring snacks under 300 yen to the battlefield. Those around Kawaki must protect their snacks! Remember!”
Sakamoto pulled out a large plastic bag, “Lastly, don’t forget to bring a barf bag for MS combat…”
Before Sakamoto could finish, Aru Elizabeth, unable to bear it any longer, kicked him, Katsura, and Gintoki aside.
“Why are you trying to render the Earthlings powerless?!” Shinpachi yelled, veins bulging, “What are you here for?! You’ve completely sided with the Earth invaders!”
“How dare you hit me!” Gintoki, holding his face, whined, “Even Bright never hit me!”
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