Maybe a Fake Gintama - Chapter 591

Watching the three still fighting over the pickled seaweed, Hijikata spoke irritably, “Hey, what are you idiots doing? If you’re going to be a nuisance, just roll back into nature. Playing with important food…”

As he spoke, Hijikata seemingly casually but entirely deliberately dropped the mayonnaise in his left hand on the ground, his lips curling into a barely noticeable smirk.

“Oh no, the mayonnaise fell out~ What should we do?”

In an instant, everyone present stopped what they were doing, their faces expressionless.

Sogo was the first to react. He stood up swiftly, grabbed the mayonnaise from the ground, and threw it off the cliff with all his strength without hesitation.

Watching Hijikata lose control, desperately reaching out and chasing the mayonnaise while screaming as he ran off the cliff, Sogo dusted his hands off and calmly said, “This way, no one’s in the way.”

He turned back and squatted down to continue building his snow shelter.

Kagura, noticing Sogo busy at work, couldn’t help but ask, “Sogo, is that a snow shelter?”

“In a deserted place like this, how could there be a cabin?” Sogo continued working without looking up, explaining, “There’s probably no cave or hollow around here either. But there’s plenty of snow, so we can just use a snow shelter to avoid the storm.”

Hearing this, Gintoki and Kagura, still bickering over the pickled seaweed, stopped their actions and wore mocking expressions.

“Oh dear, did you hear that, Kagura?” Gintoki said in a sarcastic, sing-song voice, “They’re planning to hide in the snow to avoid the storm~”

“Hehehe…” Kagura covered her mouth with her hands, giggling. It looks like these country monkeys are becoming more like beasts. How could hiding in the snow keep you warm?”

“Even if you hide from Frieza’s cold-blooded attacks, it won’t work.” Gintoki faced Kagura but peeked at Sogo out of the corner of his eye, continuing to mock, “Have you forgotten how Vegeta’s agony felt when his home was destroyed?”

“Sorry…” Akira rubbed his forehead and sighed, “Kagura… she’s never been to school, so she lacks common sense. As for Gintoki, he was always sleeping during class…”

Before he could finish, Akira noticed something—Tsukuyo, who also wore a look of disdain. Instantly, Akira’s eyes turned into dots.

“Hey, don’t tell me you don’t know either? You don’t even have that basic common sense?”

“What?” Tsukuyo asked, puzzled, “Vegeta?”

“Sorry… I forgot you never went to school either,” Akira replied quietly.

“Well, if you don’t believe it, why not try it yourselves?” Sogo looked at Gintoki and Kagura with slight contempt.

“No thanks, but we don’t want to freeze to death,” Gintoki immediately declined, then, pretending to be kind, added, “Oh, if some water leaks in later, don’t mind it, it’s easy to mistake it for a toilet~.”

Gintoki had barely finished when Hijikata, having climbed back up the cliff, kicked him in the butt irritably.

“Alright, get inside already!”

Gintoki reluctantly crawled into the snow shelter, followed closely by an equally reluctant Kagura.

Ten minutes later…

On the snowy ground nearby, Akira conducted an informative and vivid snow shelter class for Tsukuyo and Shinpachi, carefully explaining how snow shelters worked and maintained temperature.

“…Understand?” Akira threw away the stick in his hand and crossed his arms, summarizing, “With enough people and time, the temperature inside a snow shelter can reach ten to twenty degrees Celsius.”

“Got it…” Tsukuyo nodded slightly.

“That’s impressive, Akira-san!” Shinpachi praised. “I didn’t expect you to have such a wealth of knowledge! It’s truly eye-opening!”

“Why does it feel like you’re praising me without any respect?” Akira commented expressionlessly, then turned away with a dismissive snort, “I’ve always kept these wilderness survival skills in mind. How do you think I survived so many years wandering around?”

“Wasn’t it by mooching food and drink?” Tsukuyo taunted.

“Who would do that?!” Akira retorted.

“For some reason, I suddenly feel a bit sad…” Shinpachi adjusted his glasses, muttering.

Suddenly, Shinpachi remembered something, turned around, and leaned into the snow shelter, asking, “How is it, Gintoki-san, Kagura-chan? Gin-san? Kagura…chan?”

Gintoki and Kagura lay quietly inside the snow shelter, staring blankly at the ceiling with satisfied, sage-like expressions.

?What is this? It’s so annoying…?Kagura thought.

?This feeling… it’s so warm…?Gintoki thought, ?It’s not just physically warm, it feels like my heart is melting… so comforting.?

?What is this? This feeling…?Kagura kept questioning herself in her mind.

?This… it feels like…?

?Being in mom’s womb…?

Seeing the pair in the snow shelter, Sogo smirked deviously and said, “But we can’t lend it to you guys since you have a better place.”

“It’s fine…” Gintoki said, feigning strength, “Don’t lend it to us. I don’t want to stay in such a narrow, dark place anyway…”

“This place is so cramped you can’t even turn around.”

Listening to Kagura’s disdainful tone, Hijikata snapped, “Then get out already! What are you doing inside?”

“Aren’t you the one who told us to get in?” Gintoki retorted, “I’m already giving you face by coming in to roll around.”

Suddenly, there was a noise—

Hearing it, Hijikata quickly covered his nose, “Hey! Did you just fart in there?”

“Yoo-hoo!” Riding on Gintoki’s shoulders, Kagura stood up, breaking through the top of the snow shelter, “Alright! Let’s go find a place to stay overnight!”

“Where are you coming out from?!” Hijikata was instantly exasperated, pointing at the two with wide eyes.

“Huh?” Gintoki looked innocent, “Well, the entrance was too small, so I thought it’d be better to come out from somewhere else.”

“What nonsense?!” Hijikata pointed at them angrily, “You did it on purpose! You ruined it because you weren’t satisfied!”

…

Another ten minutes later, with the snowstorm growing stronger, Akira and the group wandered through the forest, searching for shelter.

“Hey, how are you going to make up for it?” Hijikata kept grumbling at Gintoki, “The snowstorm is getting worse. Wasting energy on stupid things is just going to freeze us! Do you really want to die?”

“Calm down, Bangs-kun,” Akira said, picking his ear impatiently, “In this situation, there’s only one way to save us.”

“Who are you calling Bangs-kun?!” Hijikata fumed, clenching his fists, “What way is there?! There was a way, but now it’s gone! Completely ruined by this natural perm and your idiot niece!”

Gintoki and Kagura turned away, feigning ignorance, and started picking their noses.

“Don’t think you can escape responsibility by pretending you don’t know anything!” Hijikata yelled, pointing at the two.

“I said, calm down,” Akira repeated, glancing at Hijikata and raising a finger, “There’s still one last way.”

?Here we go again…?Shinpachi adjusted his glasses, thinking.

?Ah, no doubt about it.?Gintoki and Kagura nodded simultaneously.

“What way?” Hijikata looked skeptical.

Akira responded earnestly, “Bangs-kun, you’re too focused on shelter and have overlooked the most crucial thing for our survival in this situation.”

“More crucial than shelter? That would be food…”

“No! Not that!” Akira interrupted, correcting him seriously, “The most crucial thing to survive this weather is…”

“The most crucial thing?” Hijikata remained skeptical.

“Yes! The most crucial thing! That is…” Akira pointed at Hijikata, his expression serious, “Mental fortitude!”

“Mental fortitude?”

“Don’t you think that before satisfying material needs, we need to have extremely strong mental fortitude?” Akira asked calmly.

“That’s true…” Hijikata nodded honestly, stroking his chin in thought, “In times like this, mental fortitude is indeed crucial. Those with weak mental fortitude are more likely to be overwhelmed by extreme weather…”

“Not only that!” Akira continued, “Mental fortitude doesn’t just affect that; it can help us resist the cold and strengthen our physical condition!”

“Well, if you put it that way…” Hijikata’s face showed some hesitation, “It’s not entirely wrong… It might barely achieve that.”

Hearing this, Akira’s lips curled into a barely noticeable smirk. He asked, “So, do you think there’s a way to use mental fortitude to influence our physical condition and withstand this snowstorm?”

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