Maybe a Fake Gintama - Chapter 613

[Hiraga]: It’s not possible, Hijikata-san, Shinpachi subtly shook his head, conveying his thoughts through a glance. Kawaki-san has recently changed his phone and number multiple times; no one knows his current number!

[Hijikata]: What about that woman?

[Shinpachi]: Only Kagura knows Tsukuyo-san’s phone number, Shinpachi glanced over at Kagura, who was happily playing with Otae and Saigou’s group. If we ask her in this situation, the monsters will definitely notice the Madam’s presence! So it’s out of the question!

[Hijikata]: Alright, then it’s decided, Hijikata said as he started walking towards the door. I’ll head to Yoshiwara. You guys wait here until I get back. Trust me! I’ll bring that man back! Until then, you take care of the Madam!

[Gintoki]: No way! Gintoki immediately grabbed Hijikata’s shoulder, glaring at him with gritted teeth. You’re the one trying to sneak out in this situation! Stay here! I’ll go!

“Idiot! Not everyone thinks like you!” Hijikata retorted, grabbing Gintoki by the collar, his veins bulging in anger.

“I’m going! You stay here!” Gintoki insisted, not backing down. “I’ll bring that idiot back!”

“I’ll be the one to bring him back!”

“No, I will!!”

As Gintoki and Hijikata continued to escalate their argument, Shinpachi hurriedly stepped in, trying to calm them down. “You two, stop it! This is not the time for this! I’ll go get Kawaki-san. I’ll be back soon, and until then, you take care of the Madam…”

Before Shinpachi could finish, both Gintoki and Hijikata grabbed his shoulders.

“Hey,” the two men said with unsettling smiles, “you’re trying to run away, aren’t you, Shinpachi?”

“Not everyone is like you two! And isn’t it rude to be fighting over something like this right after the Madam arrived?” Shinpachi angrily protested.

“Then it’s settled,” Gintoki released Shinpachi’s shoulder.

“How about we go together?” Gintoki and Hijikata suggested in unison.

“You just want to dump all the trouble on me!” Shinpachi retorted, spitting his words out in frustration. “Stop messing around, you idiots!”

Watching the bickering trio, the Madam spoke softly, her eyes gentle. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be leaving soon.”

“Huh? Leaving?” Shinpachi, still holding onto Gintoki, was stunned. He turned around, shocked to see the Madam turning to leave. “Wait, aren’t you…”

“A forgotten promise is understandable,” the Madam stopped and replied quietly, “If he has forgotten, then I have no reason to stay. Although… I did want to see him again, but now it feels a bit embarrassing…”

“You…” Shinpachi suddenly realized, “Could it be that the reason you returned to this club wasn’t because you hated it, but to see Kawaki-san?!”

“Just as I thought,” the Madam nodded, lowering her head in slight disappointment. “You’ve heard the rumors about me. But it’s a pity—I’m neither a fortune-bringer nor a death-bringer. And certainly, I don’t control the streets. I’m just a sad woman who has forgotten both friends and a place to call home, ensnared by the so-called power of money. I never became a regular at any club because I didn’t want to be treated specially, carefully, by others. But, somewhere along the way, my name spread throughout Edo, and I lost the one place I could call home.

“However, then I met KOU… Kawaki-san. He was different from anyone I had ever met. It felt as if my heart had been captivated, and I drank a lot, pouring out all my worries to him. But he seemed to ignore it all, simply smiling and ordering more drinks. Maybe he wanted me to forget my troubles in that way. A mysterious man…”

[Gintoki and Shinpachi, thinking]: No, that idiot definitely didn’t hear a word you said!

“Chatting away about his favorite giant robots and games, sharing his woes with me without a care…” the Madam continued, “In that moment, I realized that he didn’t see me as a client, but as a friend—someone he could talk to about anything, someone who could share each other’s troubles. I… became completely infatuated.”

[Shinpachi, glancing at Gintoki]: She’s got it all wrong, Gin-san! The Madam has completely misunderstood! Kawaki-san didn’t mean any of that! Does Kawaki-san even know how to be a host?

[Gintoki]: Who knows?! How did that idiot turn being a host into something like hanging out with bar hostesses? I don’t get it at all!

“Then, I made that promise on my own…” the Madam pulled out two movie tickets. “Because I wanted to see him again, to chat like ordinary friends, I made that promise. But… the movie started a while ago, and he still hasn’t come. Maybe he really has forgotten…”

“Madam…” Shinpachi murmured.

“Oh right, you’re here to replace the hosts who quit because of me, right?” The Madam turned around, smiling gratefully as she removed her hat and bowed slightly. “I’m very sorry. Please rest assured, the death god will no longer linger on the streets at night. But… I’m already satisfied. That smiling face is still deeply etched in my memory. Maybe it’s best that these feelings weren’t conveyed… so I can always remember them…”

“They can be conveyed, you know,” Kagura’s voice suddenly interrupted the Madam, “Even though that idiot uncle is stupid, he wouldn’t forget a promise. Maybe he’s just constipated or something, but he’ll definitely come.”

“Hey, that example is disgusting!” Shinpachi hit Kagura on the head and whispered angrily.

“That’s right, Madam Yagami, just wait a little longer,” Otae, who had appeared out of nowhere, said with a smile. “Even someone as hopeless as him will remember at the last minute.”

“Hey, who are you calling hopeless?” Kawaki’s voice suddenly came from behind the Madam.

At the sound of his voice, the Madam’s eyes widened in disbelief as she slowly turned around.

“I do tend to forget about clients quickly,” Kawaki said with a smile, “But when it comes to friends, I do remember.”

Tsukuyo, standing beside him, crossed her arms and looked away, letting out a small huff.

“Kawaki… san,” the Madam murmured.

“But I really did forget about the time we agreed on,” Kawaki scratched his head and laughed. “Ahaha, things like this happen often, right? After all, everyone has moments when they can’t even remember what they had for lunch…”

“How… wonderful,” the Madam clasped her hands to her chest, her cheeks flushing an unnatural shade of red.

“Huh?” Everyone present was taken aback.

“We made plans, and you even set the time yourself, yet you forgot…” the Madam gazed affectionately at Kawaki. “That’s just wonderful…”

Watching the Madam’s reaction, everyone else’s expressions turned blank.

“Where have you been?” Kagura asked Kawaki with disdain.

“Where?” Kawaki glanced at Tsukuyo before casually replying, “Just watching a movie with Tsukuyo.”

[Everyone thinking]: Scumbag!!

“How… wonderful,” the Madam’s blush deepened.

“Huh?” Everyone was dumbfounded again.

“Ignoring our plans to go see a movie with another woman…” the Madam’s eyes sparkled as she looked at Kawaki. “That’s just so wonderful~”

“Psst, Gin-san,” Shinpachi tugged at Gintoki’s sleeve and whispered, “Something feels off. Even though the Madam told us all that earlier, now it seems like…”

“Yeah, it’s probably exactly what you’re thinking,” Gintoki nodded, not denying it.

“So… what’s your name again?” Kawaki asked the Madam, confused.

“Stop messing around!” Otae yelled as she delivered a kick to Kawaki, sending him flying. “You didn’t even remember her name?!”

“Ah~ wonderful~” The Madam twirled shyly. “He even forgot my name… this feeling… it’s wonderful~”

“Is something wrong with your head?” Otae asked the Madam.

“Sister, that’s enough,” Shinpachi said, trying to calm the furious Otae. “At this point, nothing you say will make a difference. No matter what rude things Kawaki-san says or does, the Madam will still react like this. And the reason for that is…”

[Everyone thinking]: She’s completely fallen for that idiot!

“But seriously, we didn’t even finish the movie because of you,” Kawaki complained to the Madam as he got back on his feet. “Really, it’s…”

“Being blamed by him feels so wonderful…” the Madam’s expression became even more unsettling.

[Everyone thinking]: We really want to kill him!

“It’s fine,” the Madam said, pulling out a Blu-ray DVD. “I… already bought the Blu-ray. We can watch it together anytime…”

“Oh! You’re well-prepared!” Kawaki said excitedly.

Pfft!

“Hey, do you have a death wish?” Tsukuyo kicked Kawaki to the ground, then stomped on him. “Do you really think it’s appropriate to let one out in this atmosphere? Do you want me to kill you?”

“Ah~” The Madam covered her face, her posture becoming more and more shy. “That’s so wonderful~”

[Everyone thinking]: This woman… is beyond saving.

“Would you… would you like to watch it together?” the Madam asked, her eyes darting nervously. “At my place…”

“Sure, let’s go,” Kawaki replied naturally, casually putting his arm around the Madam’s shoulders.

“Watch it here!” Tsukuyo yelled, her hands full of kunai that she promptly lodged into the back of Kawaki’s head. “What are you planning to do at her place?!”

“What do you mean, planning?” Kawaki asked, struggling to get up. But then he suddenly noticed something, resting his chin on his hand as he stared intently at a certain part of the Madam. “Not bad at all…”

“Wonderful!!” The Madam exclaimed, her voice louder than ever, her eyes wide.

“What are you staring at?!” Tsukuyo roared, smashing Kawaki’s head into the marble floor. “Die already!!!”

Meanwhile, Otae and the others quietly turned and began to walk out of the door together.

…

In the early hours of the morning, Kawaki, Tsukuyo, and the Madam sat in one of the darkened booths at the Takamagahara Club, watching the Blu-ray DVD the Madam had brought with a projector.

Squatting in the shadows nearby, Kyoujirou quietly asked Hachirou, “Hey, maybe we really should turn this place into a model shop. What is hosting… seriously, what even is hosting? What have we been doing this whole time? Was it hosting? Was what we were doing really considered hosting? I’m so confused. Are you confused too?”

Hachirou: …

“You guys wouldn’t understand,” Saigou muttered, gazing at Kawaki with a tense look as he watched the movie. “That man’s charm… ah, wonderful~”

Looking at Saigou’s oddly flushed face, Kyoujirou and Hachirou both fell silent.

Meanwhile, the Madam, sitting beside Kawaki and holding up his cola, gazed at his profile and recalled the words he had said that day…

“Don’t worry, everyone has a place to belong. But if you ever get lost, just come back here. Even though it’s only temporary, and even though I know nothing about hosting… if you feel like it can be a temporary place for you, then come here anytime I’m around. Make sure to remember my name—the stand-in host, KOU.”

“Wonderful~”

Become a Patron to read chapters ahead of public release and support me 😉

30 chapters ahead are available on Patron!