Naruto: This Uchiha is too Evil - Chapter 37
Koharu Utatane and Homura Mitokado furrowed their brows in deep thought.
A crematorium?
What is that?
The ninja world had coffins and rumors of cremation, but the two elders couldn’t connect the dots immediately. Based on what everyone knew about the Uchiha, they expected Itsuki to open a weapon shop. A teahouse or a liquor store would also make sense. But a crematorium?
Is a genius from the Uchiha clan opening something like this? How much did he have to drink to come up with that?
Seeing the elders lost in thought, the Anbu couldn’t bear it any longer. He closed his eyes and spoke, “Elders, there’s no need to overthink. It’s exactly what you imagine—a crematorium.”
Homura Mitokado, still somewhat in disbelief, asked, “Is it really that kind of crematorium?”
“Yes,” the Anbu confirmed.
The two elders exchanged bewildered looks.
“What is that wicked Uchiha planning now?”
“How should I know? We shouldn’t have put Danzo under house arrest. Handling the Uchiha is Danzo’s specialty.”
“True.”
After a brief silence, they both turned their gaze to the Anbu.
“What do you think?” they asked.
I think I’m in trouble! The Anbu thought to himself. Does my opinion even matter to you?
“Subordinate believes the Uchiha must have a scheme…” he began.
“That’s obvious. We don’t need you to tell us that,” Homura interrupted.
The Anbu fell silent. What do you want me to say then?
Koharu suddenly said, “Do you think the Uchiha might have developed some kind of forbidden technique? Just like…”
Both elders simultaneously thought of their teacher. Years ago, their teacher developed a terrifying forbidden technique using corpses. It was so dangerous it could potentially destroy the entire ninja world, leading him to seal it away out of fear. Could it be that this wicked Uchiha brat had done something similar?
Fear etched across their faces. If the Uchiha had such a technique, it would be a disaster for the ninja world.
Breathing heavily, Homura ordered, “Deploy all available Anbu to monitor Uchiha Itsuki. Understood?”
“Yes, sir!”
“Koharu, let’s go find Hiruzen and Danzo. Konoha is in its most dangerous time. We need to unite all forces and stop their conflict.”
“Alright.”
“Wait, Elders!” the Anbu suddenly called out.
“What is it?” they asked.
“Maybe it’s just my paranoia, but there’s something else. Uchiha Itsuki put up a promotional slogan for his shop.”
“A slogan?” Koharu asked sternly. “Remember, when it comes to the Uchiha, nothing is a small matter. Understand?”
“Yes.”
“Speak. What’s the slogan? I need to understand it thoroughly and see if there’s any hidden meaning.”
The Anbu handed over a prepared sheet of paper.
[Uchiha Crematorium: Grand Opening!]
Gifts for the first three days. Burn one, get one free.
If you have a friend who has lived enough or is getting in the way, please book for them in advance.
Preheat the furnace, first come, first served.
We guarantee a service hot enough to melt you, letting you soar into the blue sky as wisps of smoke, cross towering mountains, traverse vast oceans, and reach the world’s end.
Ps: If we can’t convince you, we’ll cremate you.
From the Uchiha’s most sincere blessings, you deserve this!
Koharu’s eyes narrowed.
There was no mistake. This had the distinct flavor of Uchiha Itsuki. No one else in the ninja world could develop something like this.
Homura sighed, “The times have changed. I feel old.”
Koharu looked at him silently.
The room fell silent until Hiruzen Sarutobi stormed back into the office; seeing the two elders and a kneeling Anbu, he paused.
“What’s going on here?” he asked, his voice full of suspicion.
“A proper Uchiha should be doing this!”
Itsuki walked around the crematorium, satisfied with his shop. Finally, he lay down on one of the corpse shelves, letting out a contented sigh. His thoughts slowly emptied, and his expression turned peaceful.
It was a shop of over a hundred square meters. Aside from the central walkway, one side had shelves for bodies, and the other had coffins. Walking down the middle was quite the experience!
Kurenai Yuhi, looking helplessly at him, said, “What’s the deal with this? Of all things, why run a crematorium? You’re an Uchiha genius who even Danzo couldn’t handle.”
“This business makes money!” Itsuki replied, his face stiff. “Without money, how could I marry you?”
“You lack money?” Kurenai scoffed. “And even if you did, so what? I don’t. How much do you need? I’ll give it to you.”
When Kurenai’s father, Shinku Yuhi, passed away, he left her a house, several lucrative properties, and a large sum of money to ensure she would always be well cared for.
The crematorium Itsuki opened even used one of Kurenai’s properties. As a kunoichi with modest spending habits, her missions were enough to support herself. The millions of ryo left to her by her father were hardly touched.
Itsuki lazily responded, “What kind of man spends a woman’s money? That’s being a kept man.”
Kurenai shook her head, “By the way, when can you take off the bandages on your face?”
“Soon, in the next couple of days,” Itsuki replied, his hand on his eyes. He could feel Shisui’s power merging with his own. His transformation was nearing completion. What kind of jujutsu would emerge? The fusion of Shisui’s and his abilities would certainly be powerful. Itsuki was excited.
“Knock, knock, knock!”
A series of knocks echoed.
“Welcome!” Itsuki jumped up, smiling as he approached the door. “Shisui, Itachi? What brings you here? Did you come to support my business?”
“Uh…”
Shisui and Itachi were at a loss for words.
Support? How were they supposed to support this kind of business? Buy a coffin to take home? Or cremate themselves? If Itachi took a coffin home, his parents would probably break his legs. And as for cremating themselves, well, they’d be dead!
“Come in, come in!” Itsuki said enthusiastically. “Let me introduce you to our packages. We have five levels: Ordinary, Genin, Chunin, Jonin, and Hokage.”
Hearing this, not just Shisui and Itachi but even Kurenai felt like cursing. A Hokage package? What did Itsuki plan to do? Cremate the Hokage?
“Don’t look at me like that!” Itsuki waggled his finger. “Every ninja in Konoha dreams of becoming Hokage, but there’s only one Hokage position, so 99% of them will never get the chance.”
“If they can’t become Hokage in life, can’t they at least feel like one in death?”
“There’s no logic in the world where that’s not fair.”
“Do you think I’m right or not?”
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